It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the world. I mean, look at … everything. Massive ongoing wars everywhere, Fascism on the rise, exploding inequality. Shit is fucked up and more fucked up on a global scale than it ever was in my life time (I was born in 1979). And with the media landscape and notifications and 24 hour news it’s hard to not feel overwhelmed. Every morning when waking up is basically:

And it is important to be informed. To at least try to see what is going on in order to decide where one can make a difference or maybe at least help? Someone? Anyone?
But this is also no way to live. For a bunch of different reasons. I think given the state of the world it’s fair to let certain crises go into the background (without going full ignorance): You just mentally cannot dive into every crisis all the time. Not just because you don’t have the hours in the day but also because it will destroy your mind.
I have this tendency to believe that if I just dig for more information and understand, that if I can make sense of something, I will feel better and it will create some form of path towards resolution. That it would allow me to send a letter to a politician or support an organization or write or do something that can help turn things around. I believe that knowledge and understanding creates agency. Which isn’t 100% false but in the way I apply it is basically delusional.
And I do that because I am scared. I am scared by the consequences of the chaos. I’ve learned enough about history to understand that when shit hits the fan it’s rarely the powerful and wealthy who suffer the most. That it starts hurting at the bottom and then quickly moves up. And that scares me. Not in the abstract but in my bones. Even more now that I have a son who I just want to be able to live a life full of joy and love.
But being scared is not all I feel (even though it is a big part of it). I am grieving.
I realized that a few days ago when I took some time off of the news and all that. I was exhausted and burned out and took a walk. And understood that I was literally grieving. I was sad for the structure of the world that I see crashing down.
And don’t get me wrong. The structure wasn’t perfect. Or even great. We built a world order based on exploitation of the planet and each other. With some good things bolted to it here or there, some remnants of socialist and human rights thinking. Certain safety nets, certain conventions. It wasn’t much, but it was something. And now that they are being dismantled in record time I am grieving for those tiny things.
Because while that system was in place it did – at least to me, and maybe that was naive – feel as if we could use it as a platform to build something better on. Drive back the inequality and exploitation through collective action. The road to “fully automated luxury space communism” was still very long but it felt like there might be a floor to it all. And that floor was still too low and did not include everyone, probably a minority even. But from my privileged position as someone living in Germany it felt like a foundation to build on. A consensus.
And I miss it. It hurts to see it being killed. To see that in fact there is no consensus that includes any commitment – even a surface level one – to human rights and the will to build something better than “billionaires can get even richer while the world is burning”.
This is not a feeling I am planning to dwell on for too long. But I think it’s important that during the storm of news and notifications and whatever we sometimes take the time to understand how that makes us feel and why?
I am grieving because I had felt like there was sort of a “emergency break” kind of thing that would ensure things would be going too bad. And coming from a family where I inherited my parents’ fear of the threat of downwards social mobility that gave me a lot of emotional support. It was about more about a feeling than it was about facts.
It’s important to understand how the world makes you feel. And share it. Otherwise your emotions are gonna catch up with you at some point.
Now is the time to get back to it. Even if the rules-based order that I grew up in and relied on all my life is crumbling, maybe we can redirect that momentum towards something better. Or at least stop some fascists. “Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will” and all that.



